Monday, April 6, 2009

Yoga challenge: don't think beyond my limbs

"Fall in love with my body." That was the second thing that came into my head when the yoga teacher suggested, "Now take a moment to set an intention for your practice." The first thing was just to stay with my body -- to pay attention to it rather than use the time it was doing stuff to let my head float separately and plan out my day, an email, the order of errands.

But I could not ignore the little voice that told me to fall in love with my muscles and tissues. Quelle intention! Where the hell did that come from? Maybe if I were still taking seminars with Landmark Education, it would be the kind of thing I'd say all the time. But I'm not, and I'm still trying to figure out my relationship with my 3-years postpartum and post c-section and 2 weeks post-weaning body. (See more on my bra dilemma soon at DC Metro Moms). The intention seemed more than ambitious, but also just right.

So I didn't push away the idea and just it settle in. What would it mean to fall in love with my body doing yoga? I'd admire length, feel empathy for tightness and hope my breath would help me to loosen. I'd be gentle but also a cheerleader. I'd care about every little thing and think it all kicked ass.

It was only an hour class. We can't expect miracles. But I tried it on for size and enjoyed myself. It also helped that after class I found out that in my first few days of a small detox like I did last year, I've already lost two pounds (hint: cut out sugar and all carbs, use a lot of lemon and live, bitter foods). But then my tummy got a little tender, and I almost went back to a place of frustration until I realized this is probably my new typical pre-period discomfort.

I was obsessed about the fact that I didn't get my period back until my son was 29 months old, but now I realize that I've been paying little attention my cycle. I finally looked for my planner to consult my Everwoman's Very Personal Planner (on sale at Glad Rags and Jade and Pearl; I got mine via the Frontier Coop) and realized that I'm about 12 days or so after ovulation, so I should start my period in the next few days. And I had to count to see that this will actually be my eighth in a row. That's a good long period of time to have something that looks like fertility.

We are in the midst of a house move and I'm hoping to detox before trying to conceive, so I have a while yet to practice falling in love with my body. I've spent so long just trying not to be disappointed with it, but that's not very inspiring if you're talking about a relationship with a partner. We all probably say, "I'm trying not to be disappointed with my husband," but who wants that to be their 24/7 m.o? What a revolution in my mind to want to fall in love with my husband and with myself all the time!

I'm sure we'll all continue to have our tiffs, but I'm going to try to go with the sexy spring fever and feel the love.

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